Sunday, May 1, 2011

Change and the Fear of Change

“Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.”- Denis Waitley

I stumbled across this quote this morning, while still  in my pjs and drinking coffee, and it changed my entire outlook.

I've been having a rough year in my romantic life, but that is not my only life, my family and friends are still the most wonderful people on the planet, and my career was looking up and so successful we had all put the couple of bad calls behind us.  That was until Wednesday.  It was such a let down to hear that I had been given a final written warning at work.  And of course that day, the day of the Worlds Largest Office Party, I was dressed to the nines and feeling like a zero.

With my future in a dark cloud of the unknown I went hoping that the good music (The Remainders and Pat McCurdy were my favs) and good friends would bring me out of my feeling that I was a complete failure.  And for two hours while waiting to run into someone that cared, I felt so alone.  In a crowd of over 4000 people milling about, standing at my table with my now empty drink, I felt somehow that everyone could see the sad woman who can't hold a job or a husband. I had sent out three texts to discuss how angry I was, and how disappointed, and got a response FINALLY.  Not from my daughter, or the friend I knew was going to be there, but from my writing partner.  Imagine my surprise when it was him first.  Happily I split my guts and he was very successful in keeping the angry tears at bay and making me realize that "If I had failed at becoming a 'robot automaton, well that was actually good in his book."  And this was after several failed attempts for me to realize I was not alone and NOT a failure.
(in my daughters defense and my friend, they did eventually either respond via text or in person)

What I've decided with some healthy support and sleeping on it, is that I'm not a failure.  I've tried harder than anyone else and come so far.  And what I may have to understand is no matter how hard I try I may not be able to be who they need me to be.  And therefore if I can't change it, accept it as unchangeable and remove myself from the experience.

This quote is so simple and yet so profound, it should be used in your mind before any choices, especially the hard ones.  I could attach this to so many areas of my life and I think I will.  After all, aren't I the one always saying, "Life is short and you should LIVE it."  How can I expect to live a full life if I'm strangled with fear over change?  Nothing is impossible with change, but people unwilling to change will never achieve anything, nor will they ever learn anything about themselves.

This experience has and is still teaching me very valuable lessons in human nature and reaction, and as a human I need them, as a writer they are valuable.  I will continue to try to achieve there, but I am also actively applying at other opportunities.  I am stepping through yet another doorway in my journey, I wonder where this one leads. . . wait, let me check for tricks and traps and look up before entering. . .  old gaming habits never die. . .
Wish me luck

1 comment:

  1. plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose