Sunday, June 27, 2010

When can you have too much experience?

After finishing my third week of unemployment(almost 6 months total) I am discovering that the general consensus is, and I quote, "We really liked Jill, we just feel that she is so overqualified that she'll be bored in this position." What the HOUSE! I'm getting so sick of hearing this. Of course I realize I'm overqualified, EVERYONE in this market is overqualified. Of course I realize I might be bored. So WHAT? Everyone gets bored in their jobs sometime, or we sometimes have to do boring jobs. I'm a professional. If i didn't want to do the work, i wouldn't be applying for the job.

Of course my unemployment is over, (temporary jobs can really mess with your unemployment....fair warning) and my saving is almost gone, and while thanks to my recent reading of Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway, makes me still feel in control, in power and not a failure. I'm very worried about money now. I hate worrying about money. Makes me feel guilty for every dime I spend for anything other than bills and food. But at least I still have two jobs from last weeks interviews in the running. Perhaps one of them will want to give me a chance to work for them and show them what an overqualified professional can really accomplish.

Of course, this is not the only place in my life I feel overqualified. I feel overqualified in the relationship department too. You know, the whole I've been married a few times, had a few lovers or boyfriends through the years and I think I've got this down now. Kind of figured out what not to do from my own, and my ex's mistakes. Oh and lets not forget what a lot of partners teaches you in the bedroom. I think I'm overqualified for most partners. So when I find one that really gets to me, doesn't it make sense that I never want to let him go?

Starting to fall in love with thunderstorms now...Let it rain!...Bring on the thunder and lightning!


Sorry about that, I must have temporarily lost my mind for a minute....I blame it on waking up to light rain and thunder.

Send positive energy to the universe for me, and I promise I'll send it back. I know I'll find a job. Can't it just be tomorrow?

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

For those of you that read me weekly you know I never do reviews....well, never say never. While this recent new unemployment (week number 2)and heartbreak at not getting the man of my dreams (month number 2)I've been feeling very down on myself, cynical, unwanted and unloved, unworthy. Feelings I know all of you have felt at one point in your life.

One of my truest and best friends suggested a book that really helped him during a bout of similar depression, years ago. In fact he says he will often pull it out and re-read certain passages to remind himself how he should be feeling about whatever it is that has gotten him upset.

This intrigued me. Both being intellectuals and you know how they are, they never really need any help, or never admit it, or only suggest things in hushed tones.

Well I took this suggestion to heart and ran to my local library to get a copy. I read it in one sitting that same afternoon and evening. It was that good. And it had reminded me of how I use to be. I how I use to live my life just knowing that everything, somehow was going to be alright. The power of positive thinking is really what I had forgotten.

That and a very simple rule: The subconscious mind does not know the difference, like the conscious mind. So that means that you can tell yourself, every day, "I am worthy, I am strong, I am creating the perfect (insert issue here---job, relationship, body) NOW." and your subconscious mind will believe it. Hook, line, and sinker. See, you don't even have to believe it, youself. And that is how you get your Higher Self to grow and become more in charge than your Chatterbox.

Susan Jefferes, Ph.D. wrote this amazing little book and she goes into great detail about how we all listen to that Chatterbox in our head first. The one that tells us we can't do it, I'm not worthy, I shouldn't do it, I hope, If only....if any of this sounds familiar, you are not taking responsibility for your life.

I have several quotes that I love from the book, and when you read it you will too, but for me, the one that really hits home is: "You’re not a failure if you don’t make it; You’re a success because you try"

That formula alone will stop you from not taking the risks that will make you happy. That's right, RISKS make you HAPPY. Not being right or living the safer route. There is no right or wrong decision, just learning experiences. Life is learning, and if you live your life afraid of risks, because you think they aren't right (and I'm not talking illegal stuff here) then you aren't truly happy.

As I was reading the book I had a breakthrough....."When had I stopped living my life like this?" I remember distinctly after the divorce, when my best friend Erin helped me "shed" and find my voice again. (thank you my dearest!) But where had i lost it? And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had taken a risk (a good thing!) and tried a job that my heart was just not black enough to do....being a landlord. And to do the job over a period of almost 2 years I had to "Be" a certain way with the tenants that I didn't like. And it started to turn me into a cynical, bitter person. I'm not sorry for the experience, quite the contrary, I'm thankful that learned I'm not cut out for that, even if without it, I'm unemployed and struggling. I know the universe is creating the perfect job for me RIGHT NOW. I know I'll get another job. (not i hope, not I'm trying, not I'm looking......I KNOW)

I, like the author don't know how this works, but it does. The more positive energy you put out into the universe, the more comes back to you. I suggest this book for anyone who can read. Hell, if you can't read have someone read it to you! It has helped me to become more relaxed and focused after just two days of practicing her methods. Some may call it brainwashing, or pop-psych. I don't care. If it works then it's good.

So if you are having the same problems I was having, and I know my Chatterbox is not gone, but it's sure much more quite, I suggest you read this book. I promise you it will help. And if you are a positive person, like I AM right now (see how much i learned?) It never hurts to have a refresher course.Search for feel the fear and do it anyway by susan jeffers

Sunday, June 13, 2010

A Fidgeting Mind is as Telling as Fidgeting Hands, or Feet.

I'm a mover, and shaker, and I don't mean that in the terms of big business. I mean it in the terms of body language. If you know me in real life, or follow this blog, you know I'm big on what people say, how to use your right words, as the goblins in Labyrinth remind us. But as a writer and trained observer of people, I am also quite aware of others, and hopefully, my own, body language. And I've read enough articles on body language and how to change it, to make myself seem more approachable or open, and in most cases is does work to change my mind set.

But like I said, I'm a mover and a shaker. Even in moments of quite, watching a movie or reading a book, it seems like I need to have some part of my body moving. Fidgeting if you will. My body part of choice is usually my right foot. (I know, great opportunity to plug a fab Daniel Day Lewis movie here, and I don't do it even for creative process...oh well, I'm honest here.)

Now I use to blame this completely on nerves. "I'm just a nervous person" or "I should have been a percussionist....always moving" But I've come to realize, that it's not nerves so much as being uncomfortable with the situation that I'm in when I start to fidget. How did I come to this unique understanding? I'll tell you. Chatting on line. Yep. You heard it here first. Chatting on line.

Now when I'm chatting, I'm sometimes nervous or uncomfortable with the topic or question that has been posed to me, and my fingers are already typing, and fidgeting, so my foot can take the day off. But I realized that my MIND also fidgets. I stall when not go with my gut....or I'm thinking too much. I'd like to believe that this is me learning how to phrase what I say before I say it. To finally learn that others feelings are more important than my own, and even when typing--words can wound--sometimes forever.

But I don't think I'm that cool. I realized, that the nervousness that accompanies my foot, subtle as it is, is partnered with a small little itch in my brain that is uncomfortable, and screaming to change the subject, or just don't start a debate with this one, because it will not end well. And I have discovered my mind fidgets. Who knew? So as my body language is starting to become less obvious that something is amiss, my mind is taking control of that.

And while I look more confident, now I don't sound it anymore. Not sure which was better. When people are uncomfortable with the present moment, they fidget with their hands or their minds. Watch and see.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Rock Bottom? Then Why Am I Happy?

This is going to start off sounding like a typical rant, but believe me, it's not. I got some very unsettling news on Friday that cost me a job, and while I have no control over this situation, like most situations that really upset me. I am going to try to get to the bottom of it next week. While I go back to looking for more work. This did get me to thinking about not only myself but others in the world right now who are unemployed, or underemployed, from this recession. This is not an easy time to be unemployed not matter what your age or educational background. And with this latest slap in the face, I'm starting to feel like I hit rock bottom.

And rock bottom is not a place that I'm familiar with. I've never walked in these shoes before....well, maybe close, but at those times, I could blame someone else for why I was where I was. This time I can only blame myself and my own mistakes. This makes it much more of an awakening experience.

That is if you choose to use the information to ask yourself, "Why am I here?" "Why is this happening to me?" "Why does this always happen to me?" And if you can be honest with your answers then perhaps, if you are lucky, like me, you can get an glimpse of what is REALLY wrong with your life. And fix it.

The answers to these questions are different for each of us, some realize they are mean and bitter because of some past hurts and have lost all the love and kindness they need to survive in the world, other than alone. Others might realize they are addicts and finally have that moment of clarity to get clean and sober. Others might wake up and realize that they are living a lie of some kind.....with the wrong person.....or with the wrong gender. And others find religion to help them along the path of life.....that inner need to talk (pray) to someone and believe they are listening.

I was going to talk today about long distance relationships and communication and how important making yourself very clear on the internet is. And how hard that can be if you don't speak in complete sentences, and say exactly what you mean. Which I know my friends and family do with me, but i get the feeling that many more of you use the internet shorthand to express yourself, probably more than you should. As a writer I can't tell you how much this pisses me off. So stop it. LOL OMG! BRB.

But instead I decided that if I was going to talk about communication I think the most important communication that can go on is the communication you have with yourself. Listen to that little voice in your head that you ignore. It might be telling you exactly what you need to hear to be truly happy not only in your life, but with yourself.

Make yourself your best friend, NOT your worst enemy. Love yourself first, and love will find you. This is what we should be saying to ourselves: No more self-destructive paths, no more 'oh but I can fix you', no more believing that I somehow deserve to be treated this way, no more procrastination, no more feeling trapped by past decision.

This is my life, and I only get one that I can remember. I'm living it. Are you?