Sunday, February 27, 2011

The Prince Charming and Cinderella Syndrome

I'm getting really sick of the fairy tales we tell our little girls and boys about how there is someone that is perfect for you, and you just need to wait, and your prince will come, and the happily ever after that will ensue when you find your princess.

This is so damaging for both genders, what big shoes for Cinderella's heart to fill, and what impossible standards for The Prince to live up to.   It's not fair to fill their ready to absorb minds, with tales that set them up for self defeat in love.  They can not live up to the promise of this story, and it's not true.  There is no happy ending, and it's just as great a lie to say you have to 'want it to work'  you have to 'work at it'.

You don't have to work at it, if you follow your heart and just love who you are meant to love.  It isn't hard at all.  In fact it's only hard when you force it, or choose.  I think it's a mistake to say that a choice in love was 'bad or a bad fit' or 'that you couldn't choose the love of your life because the timing was wrong', or 'that you need to make this work'.  As soon as a choice exists it can only be bad.  LOVE is NOT about CHOICE.  

Love is messy.  Love never happens at the 'right time', and Love usually rips your world apart taking your sanity with it.  Love starts in an instant and lasts for eternity.  It has many levels, and can open many doors ones we never thought would open again and ones we didn't even know were there.

Love is more than a reflection of your soul in someone else's eyes, it is a recognition of equality, respect, and desire all rolled up into a package that seem too good to be true.  And while you push it away believing that you can't possibly be this lucky or this happy, that, that can't be real, it can't be that easy, because you have to WORK AT IT.  You are giving up the the love you are suppose to be living.  You are choosing something that is proscribed by your mind to be what you should choose, because by working at it, it will last.

Can you see me shaking my head at you?  So wrong.. . How stressful. . .  How sad that we think everything has to be hard, when Love is the easiest thing in the world, because it just is.

Love is not a choice.

Love is what you feel.

When you are at peace, calm, passive. . . (Yoda was right)

It starts with the self and radiates outward to everyone you care about.  Don't push away any love that you are lucky enough to find, for that is bad karma, and that will come back on you tenfold.  Love is not forgiving when denied.  And Fate, the cold bitch, will continue to put in front of you choices until you make the right one.  Until you choose to trust your feelings, and just love, even if it's messy, even if it comes at the wrong time.  Until you let love choose you, your choices will fail.  That is her specialty.  That's the real test.  Are you willing to give up everything you think is important to gain what truly is?  I will not make the wrong choice again in love for I will not chose love.  It has chosen me, and there is nothing I can do about it, but feel.


Sunday, February 20, 2011

And I Promised Myself I Wouldn't Do This. . .

So for those of you that know me well, you know that I don't really hold much stock in my daily horoscope or reading my tarot cards.  I do them mostly to see how wrong they are, or for fun, or occasionally for insight.  However, when my horoscope, tarot cards and dreams are all pointing in the same direction, I figure it's time to sit up and listen.  So here goes.

Last night I read a quote from someone that I immediately hated.  Not because it was poorly written, but because it was a painful truth. And we all hate those, don't we?  It was:  "We accept the love we think we deserve."- Stephen Chobosky

And I thought to myself, what if when the best thing comes along we deny it to ourselves because we somehow believe that we don't deserve it, or it could not possibly be real, or the worst, that it couldn't last for us, because nothing ever does.   HOW TRAGIC that line of thought.  HOW SELF DEFEATING.  How it KEEPS your low self esteem on a high boil instead of letting it simmer down into nothing.

Then I read another quote that reminded me of a special person that I know, and filled my already full blown romantic, full moon infused heart, to overflowing.  And with the fluffy white stuff, complete with occasional thunder, coming out of the clouds this morning, I am further pushed into a soft, quite, mental state of, "What if. . .", "Why not. . . ", and "If not now when. . . ".   As Yoda would say, "Dangerous, this path is."

Then the best quote fell into my lap and I'm sharing it with you all because I believe it will help you as it helped me to understand that what I feel is not crazy, unjustified, or unreturned.  It's from Bob Marley.  READ IT.  Even if you know it, Bob Marley is good for the soul.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.  You tell them things that you have never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.  You share your hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments that life has thrown at you.  When something wonderful happens you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.  They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting, or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.  Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.  There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only quiet calmness when they are around.  You can be yourself and not worry what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.  The things that seem insignificant to most people, a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.  Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again.  Colors seem brighter and more brilliant.  Laughter seems a part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all.  A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face.  In their presence there is no need for continuous conversation but you find that you are quite content just having them nearby.  Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.  You think of this person on every occasion and in everything that you do.  Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind, or even a storm cloud on the horizon.  You open your heart knowing that there is a chance that it may be broken one day, and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.  You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you.  You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.  Life seems completely different, exciting, worthwhile.   Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." - Bob Marley.

Think about it.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Valentines Day Blues

I hate this holiday that is rearing its ugly head again tomorrow, and I'll tell you why.  It is so unfair and wrong to have a holiday created for the purpose of selling cards, candy and trinkets to people who are happy and in love.  And they market this holiday as if the only way you can be happy is if you are in love and a couple.  Well I'm here to tell you that I'm happy, and I'm not a couple and while I am in love it's very complicated so I'm not expecting any happy valentines this year, and it wouldn't be the first.

Am I bitter about my situation, No.  But I think that is mostly because I don't obsess about it, and I understand that I am responsible for my own happiness.  That no knight in shining armor, or writer geek in foggy glasses, or hot bad boy I can't say no to, is going to save me or make me happier than I am.  I'm responsible for my own depression or happiness.

But this HOLIDAY.  It bombards us with adds, and advertisements that remind us usually happy single folk that somehow we are not complete.  That somehow we need that partner to make our lives complete.  Don't buy into it.  Don't wait until a made up holiday about love reminds you to tell the loved ones in your life that you love them and care.  Boycott this holiday and don't teach it to your children, unless you teach the real story of St. Valentine, and before you nod, research this one too.  Boycott it!  For it sends two unhealthy messages to our children, 1.  That every February 14th is the day we tell our loved ones we love them.  Not every day, just this day.  and 2.  That you just aren't a complete, happy, successful person unless you are in love and a couple.

I'm tempted to keep the TV off and stay off-line, just because I don't want to be reminded of how obviously miserable I am as a three times divorced, single parent that is hopelessly in love with a man that is unavailable.  How could I be happy.?

Refer to paragraph one, I am happy, and I refuse to let the media dictate my emotions or play with them or tell me how to spend my money in hopes of getting that happy ending, that I ALREADY HAVE.

So gentlemen, and ladies, think about that before you give her that stupid heart shaped box (reference Nirvana song) or the cheap card, (I'd rather you wrote something from your heart on any other random day) or the small velvet box she's been waiting for.  Pick any other day but this one to show your love and devotion.  It will mean so much more, trust me.


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Motion vs Progress

"Don't confuse motion and progress.  A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress."-Alfred A. Montapert

I found this in my cache of quotes, and sadly it reminded me of my life.  So true to form, I'm sharing it.  Motion, I have a lot of that in my life.

I have a job that keeps me busy and forces me to step up to meet daily challenges.  I hope that in the future if I meet these challenges, and the next ones they will offer, that perhaps I will slowly move up the ladder and make some progress.  However that has not been my experience in working in the business world so far.  So far it seems I'm either hired at the pinnacle of what I'm qualified to do, or the company just isn't structured for any type of progress forward.

I have raised my children so while the rapid motion of raising them, racing from event to event or just being supportive of their dreams and ideas while trying to install my own and give them at least the benefit of all I know, good and bad, is over.  I feel that has been movement and much progress, but i also feel an empty nest fast approaching as my baby is about to begin her last year of college, and her last year at home this summer.  The progress of that life changing decision to have and raise children is coming to an end, what will I fill that time with?  What new challenge will come forth to fill my life with progress, instead of motion.

While I love my down time with all my friends, thankfully my relationships with them have no drama.  Only the safe security of being in loving and caring relationships.  Don't get me wrong I don't miss the drama of a relationship that is not working at the time, but I do miss the challenge of being in a loving relationship that you work at together.  I have no progress in this area of my life, and I miss it. While I could lie to myself and say that I have interested parties in this area, it would be me just trying to give myself a lift, dreaming of the future.
Dreaming of the future, is motion without progress.  I love dreaming.   I want motion.  I need progress.

If you feel the same way, figure out your motion without progress and make it motion with progress.

Friday, February 4, 2011


I need a distraction.
I am stuck inside my own mind.
I am self sabotaging.
I try to think positively, and all I can do is sigh from the weight.
I try to smile and it feels fake.
I am not happy with the current situation of my professional life.
I have lost my confidence to do this job the way that it is required, and every call is now a ring of doom.
I need to find my center.
I feel so alone.