Sunday, November 28, 2010

In Rememberence of

Today My blog will be short, for I am too sad to be upset about anything to blog about. For those of you that do not know, yesterday we had to put to sleep a longtime and loyal family member, our cat Katie. She was with us for 18 years, and had been the constant companion of my daughter since she was 4. Katie was more human than cat, as most cats are. And while we miss her, I can't stop thinking about how cute she was and how lovable to my daughter. She protected her and all of us from anything and everything. It is even more cute to understand that Katie was the runt of the litter and at her largest she was probably never more than 10 pounds. My favorite picture of her is one where she is cuddled in my daughters arms while she is sleeping. Katie was 'sleeping' too, that is until i took the picture. Then she was wide awake, ready to fend off the evil 'flash' (sounds like a DC Comic crossover).

I would post the picture but my daughter who is a very private person would kill me. So I will hope your imaginations will suffice.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Time To Think About What We Are Thankful For. . .

Well, that seems easy doesn't it? Everyone I'm sure is very thankful for their jobs so they can provide a roof over their heads and food and clothes to sustain their bodies from hunger and cold. And while I'm no different, I have been feeling sorry for myself because I'm alone. As in without a partner. ME! The girl who never needed a man to define right?

This July and this September and November I've been reminded about how much I am missed by old friends that I have not made the time for for in years. And I've come to realize that while I am very happy with my friends and family whom have stood by me for either their entire lives, or mine, or many decades as it were; I'm pleasantly surprised by my friends and loved ones that while appeared gone, never really left.

Our hearts it seems are still in the same good places they were when we were at our best together. And the negative feelings of why we stopped seeing each other have either been explained away or don't really matter anymore. And I have to tell you that it has felt very good to make the reconnection with them. It has felt like a missing piece to the puzzle of my life has been found. Whew. . . .I'd been looking for that. Thanks.

So this Thanksgiving I'm going to be thankful for that fact I've forgotten, and pass it along to you just in case you have forgotten it to.

You are never alone. Even if you feel like it. Reach out to the people you care about, even if it's been years. You might be surprised at the love that is still waiting there for you to share. True friendship and love never dies, even if it's hidden under some misunderstanding or circumstances that you can't change, REAL feelings just don't go away.

Remember this, and even it is scary or you are afraid of failure like I was and constantly am. . . follow your heart always.


Sunday, November 14, 2010

Second Chances

Yesterday I had one of the best days of my life, all due to a dream. A dream I had that was a warning, that I believed saved my life. And changed my intellectual attitude about "Life is short and live every day to the fullest" to a REAL EMOTIONAL attitude.

I'll share the dream and then what happened so you can see the similarities:
I was on my way to work, at night, and it was raining. I parked on the second floor of the parking ramp and when I got out of my car a ZOMBIE was there and it started to come after me, so I out ran it down the stairs and looked both ways to cross the street. I opened my umbrella, and I saw a semi truck come barreling around the corner and I stepped out in front of it and committed suicide. . .then I woke up.

I thought to myself, that was strange...I don't dream of monsters and I am NOT suicidal. So I looked up the imagery,(in my favorite website for this: ) zombie, suicide, semi truck, umbrella, rain and night and it all fit completely with what I'm feeling in my personal life.

And then I went to work
And it was dark
And it was raining, and I thought, that's a little eerie, after the dream, and my spider sense gave me a nudge. . .
I parked on the first floor of the ramp. . . not because I believed there was a zombie on two but because I found a close spot. Then I got out of my car opened my umbrella and started to walk across the street.
As I was getting to the middle/other side of the street the SAME SEMI I DREAMED ABOUT came barreling around the corner and barely was able to slow down due to the wet streets, I looked into the headlights for a split second before moving quickly to the curb and safety as it sped down the street.
I took a deep breath and thanked my lucky stars that I remembered the dream.

Too many similarities for me not to believe that I was warned. I've had dreams before that came true, years later. I've had gut feelings that I couldn't place why someone or something was not quite right and minutes or hours later something bad happened. BUT I'VE NEVER had a dream this vivid, that I remembered and then had the incident happen right afterward. I think my spider sense is getting better and more accurate with age......hum....perhaps I am turning into the wizened sage...

... or perhaps I need Yoda to teach me control....


Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Good Samaritan

Another weekend of fun! I'm so strapped for cash but I have the best friends out there. One such friend offered to lend me money, for food, which i flat out refused. I'd like to keep him as a friend, and I firmly believe that lending money between friends is the best way to lose them. I did suggest that if he wanted to take me out to eat I'd do that. Since we both have to eat and all, and of course that is exactly what happened on Friday night. Only he didn't stop there. Last night he brought over two bottles of wine and two pizzas much larger than the three of us would need to eat and movies, with the excuse of 'hanging out'. Now we've got lunches all week in left overs.
I guess real friends find a way to help you even if you don't ask for it, and don't act like you need it.

thanks to the other friends that asked me out to Brat Pack Radio, and Yesterdays last night. Would have loved to have joined you too, but alas no money.

For those of you that follow me on facebook and expected this to be all about the big "blow up" on the 5th of November, well, I'm sorry to disappoint you. But actually I'm relieved that he's gone since he can't give me what I need from our relationship. I'm sad that he's unable to see that he has done this by his choices to make me more than a friend, and then marry her anyway without really thinking things through, and spending time with me to see. I'm also sorry that the friendship has to be on hold until I can 'be at peace' with us, as he says he is.

I'm SO NOT at peace with 'us'. I can't just turn it off or bury it like he can, and has, as a survival technique to be married to one woman while in love with another. Can you even BE in love with two people at the same time? I mean THAT in love? He says he is. I don't buy it.

Any comments out there?
I know I could use some.

And don't worry. I'm fine. Had a great time so far this weekend. Looking forward to writing today. . . will be interesting to see if I can do it without him. I know I can, it just will be strange when I'm blocked not to be able to run it by him.