Okay, so I'm in a good mood. Sue me! But it is mostly due to my friends who care about me and want me to be happy again. And with everything that has happened so far this year, I know a normal person would not be. But I am. And I can't stop smiling because I know how blessed I am to have sincere love all around me. In so many forms and from so many.
I got myself all dressed up and found my 'slutty pumpkin' and went out with Larry The Cable Guy, and DID something. Saw the comic classic rock stylings of Pat McCurdy Just had a blast singing at the top of my lungs, songs so funny and original, and with fans that welcomed me as a virgin to the show. (Got two songs sang to me last night. guess I'm not a virgin anymore!) And ran into one old friend, French Maid, I hadn't seen in 10 years, and met some great new people who I hope to get to know better.
Then downtown and ran into a couple of my girlfriends. (YO! Phoenix and Snow White) AND Zerro and my favorite Roller Girl AngHella. My long lost little brother, (not so lost) who sitting with at DAZE had us both looking around for the rest of that group....who were not there, and missed. AND literally on my way home, ran into Dead Bicyclist and *Hot Cab Driver.
What a great night. Lots of Heart to Heart talking, TONS of SINGING and a little drinking. I've never had a bucket of beer before....was awesome! (before you go ewww...it's a bucket with 5 bottles of beer and ice in it. great....one trip shopping...just my style)
My mind drifts to the one person that I wish I could have shared it all (and more) with. . . happily drifts. . .and dreams.
Think ill try to write now. . .
*Where was Pat McCurdy then....he'd been looking for Hot Cab driver earlier...oh well
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The Best Noise In The World Is . . . .
. . . The laughter of children
I have missed that in my home. The laughter of small children and the wonder that they see in everything that you show them. Over the last four days I was reminded of that by my 'grandson' Timmy (in quotes because he's not mine by blood, but as long as he will let me claim him I will)
Timmy is three. And three is a fun age. Fun because it's not two. And fun because it's closer to four. Three is the age where they really start to test their parents resolve. Some succeed in this test, some fail. Kids are a great window into the way we allow ourselves to be treated. And I believe the best parents make sure that their children are respectful. Its an on going job for many years, but eventually it does sink in. If you are consistent and don't give in. Thats the real test and trick. Not sending mixed messages.
Mixed messages are a bane in my life, as an adult. I feel like my life right now is full of mixed messages, and exceptions. . . double standards, if you will. Rules I held dear, the lines have blurred, and while a huge part of me is empowered by this, another part of me is getting lost. And I'm not sure I like that. I don't like losing myself in anything or anyone so completely.
And if I felt like I was winning, actually having the relationship I know I deserve, then I know I wouldn't feel like this at all. That this is all because I have and am lost. Lost in a fantasy that will never come true. Lost without him.
Am I waking up? When I do, I think this is really going to hurt. And maybe that's why I can't wake up. Maybe thats the real reason I won't wake up. I really am only afraid of pain.
. . . I think maybe I need a wake up call. I think maybe I need to escape. Anyone want to take a boat trip to a deserted island?
I have missed that in my home. The laughter of small children and the wonder that they see in everything that you show them. Over the last four days I was reminded of that by my 'grandson' Timmy (in quotes because he's not mine by blood, but as long as he will let me claim him I will)
Timmy is three. And three is a fun age. Fun because it's not two. And fun because it's closer to four. Three is the age where they really start to test their parents resolve. Some succeed in this test, some fail. Kids are a great window into the way we allow ourselves to be treated. And I believe the best parents make sure that their children are respectful. Its an on going job for many years, but eventually it does sink in. If you are consistent and don't give in. Thats the real test and trick. Not sending mixed messages.
Mixed messages are a bane in my life, as an adult. I feel like my life right now is full of mixed messages, and exceptions. . . double standards, if you will. Rules I held dear, the lines have blurred, and while a huge part of me is empowered by this, another part of me is getting lost. And I'm not sure I like that. I don't like losing myself in anything or anyone so completely.
And if I felt like I was winning, actually having the relationship I know I deserve, then I know I wouldn't feel like this at all. That this is all because I have and am lost. Lost in a fantasy that will never come true. Lost without him.
Am I waking up? When I do, I think this is really going to hurt. And maybe that's why I can't wake up. Maybe thats the real reason I won't wake up. I really am only afraid of pain.
. . . I think maybe I need a wake up call. I think maybe I need to escape. Anyone want to take a boat trip to a deserted island?
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Think About What You Could Do.....
If you are like me you have quite a few things in your mind that you feel strongly about, one way or the other. Weather its political,or religious, or sexual choices, or even when the three tend to blur into one as with the pro-life/pro-choice movement. (Don't get me started on this one, there is a group in our city that stands by one hospital and a certain church with signs....they even have the audacity to have their many children holding up signs, children too young to know what they are siding with or even to have made the choice yet.....)
But like I said, don't get me started. These people that stand on the corner holding their signs of an idea, no matter how wrong the idea may be, still have the right idea.
Think about it. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people...what would YOUR message be?
Its not as easy a question as it appears to be, on the surface. I think because I am an atheist mine would be about religion, because I still feel more longterm damage, historically, and now, has been and will be done, for the 'love of god'. I think my message would be: "Forget what or who you BELIEVE in, and know this: It's all about LOVE. PERIOD."
What's your message?
But like I said, don't get me started. These people that stand on the corner holding their signs of an idea, no matter how wrong the idea may be, still have the right idea.
Think about it. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people...what would YOUR message be?
Its not as easy a question as it appears to be, on the surface. I think because I am an atheist mine would be about religion, because I still feel more longterm damage, historically, and now, has been and will be done, for the 'love of god'. I think my message would be: "Forget what or who you BELIEVE in, and know this: It's all about LOVE. PERIOD."
What's your message?
Sunday, October 10, 2010
What makes you smile?
Think about this one. It's tougher than you think. What makes you smile? What sends shivers up and down your spine? What makes your dull day spark with anticipation or immediately look up? What makes you feel like you can do anything?
Is it a thing? Then keep it close to you at all times.
Is it an activity? Then do that EVERY day.
Is it a person? Then never let go of them. . .ever.
What is it that you do, or the person that you spend time with that makes you lose track of all time? That thing is what you are suppose to be doing with your life. That person is your best friend. . .or more depending on your heart. You should listen to your heart. It's the difference between LIVING and EXISTING.
If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?
If you would and you have the power to do so, not acting on that knowledge is tragic, for time is fickle and will move you, without you even knowing it, to a point where all of a sudden you have no power to change it.
Forget about the past, act in the present, to make the future you want happen. It's all up to you. No one else.
Cheers!
Is it a thing? Then keep it close to you at all times.
Is it an activity? Then do that EVERY day.
Is it a person? Then never let go of them. . .ever.
What is it that you do, or the person that you spend time with that makes you lose track of all time? That thing is what you are suppose to be doing with your life. That person is your best friend. . .or more depending on your heart. You should listen to your heart. It's the difference between LIVING and EXISTING.
If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?
If you would and you have the power to do so, not acting on that knowledge is tragic, for time is fickle and will move you, without you even knowing it, to a point where all of a sudden you have no power to change it.
Forget about the past, act in the present, to make the future you want happen. It's all up to you. No one else.
Cheers!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Time flies or drags
Ever notice how when you are really happy, and blissful the time just flies by and all of a sudden that wonderful event, reunion, or vacation is over. And when you are depressed, alone and lonely, time drags.
Is that because we are too focused on ourselves when we are depressed, too inward, maybe thinking too much? And when we are with others having fun, we are focused on the others and, well the fun?!
It should be the other way around. Time should fly by when we are alone and feeling down, and wonderfully drag lazily by as we enjoy our loved ones company.
off to enjoy my loved ones company. cheers
Is that because we are too focused on ourselves when we are depressed, too inward, maybe thinking too much? And when we are with others having fun, we are focused on the others and, well the fun?!
It should be the other way around. Time should fly by when we are alone and feeling down, and wonderfully drag lazily by as we enjoy our loved ones company.
off to enjoy my loved ones company. cheers
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