Sunday, September 26, 2010

Is it possible to lie, without saying a word?

The question today, dear readers, is one I'm sure we have all been on both sides of, as the giver and the getter....

And my answer is yes. It is possible to lie without saying a word. Especially if the question posed to you is not formed in the way you need to hear it. For example, one of my long ago ex's had fallen in love with someone else while we were married, he hadn't had the affair yet, but his heart was already gone. And of course, being an attentive wife, I knew something was wrong. I figured he was having an affair, something that we might be able to work through, I hoped that he was not in love with someone else, something we could never work through. So I asked him, "Are you having an affair?" and his 'honest' answer was "No." Which is technically the right answer to my question, but is still a lie, because he knew what I was trying to find out, and that should have opened a door to communication. The answer should have been, "Not yet..." and then the rest.

I can also argue, and perhaps make better sense, if I had asked the right question. My QUESTION should have been, "Are you in love with someone else?" Which then he would or at least could have answered honestly, "Yes."

However, the problem with asking questions, is that most of us 'fish' for the answers we hope to hear, or hope not to hear in my above example. I didn't ask the question I should have, because I didn't want to know the truth. Not really. And that's why we 'fish' around, and hope we have the answers by asking questions that aren't exactly correct but are close enough.

And this is exactly what we should not do. We should be brave enough to ask what we REALLY want to hear. It may be painful, and it may not be what you want to know, but in the end, the honesty will set you free.

Corney, but true. I'm happier today knowing the truth. I'd still rather hear the ugly truth than a pretty lie.

Hugs for bravery until next week. Keep asking the hard questions.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Worry about what is important....not what isn't

Last week I found myself at the center of several different situations of love blowing up, and life altering revelations of the self, and lots of good wine and tarot readings. My services of bringing wine and cards to friends for advice was multiplied, something must be in the air, or the water. But I'm noticing several friends going through similar romantic or self aware journeys, like I have been. And I found myself giving them all the same advice.

Stop worrying about what you can't change.

"Does he love me, will he come come back? Is my job in jeopardy, will I be fired? What will we do now? Where does the money go? My kids? My friends? My husband? My wife? My school?" Stop it! Right now! Be the wise-man, shaman, and witch you know you are, and find peace by worrying about the only thing that matters.


Look at yourself, and really see yourself...not your life...YOU. Do you like who you are? Do you even know who you are? Are you the person you think you are? Are you the person you see in the mirror? Can you look in the mirror?

If the answer to these questions is YES. Then I need you to read my cards, and be my guru. :)

But if the answer is no to any of them, then you are like most of us, and know what to do. CHANGE. BE the person you want to BE. BE the person you envision. And when you do, you will embrace all that is beautiful within yourself, and slowly but surely erase all that is wicked or ugly or what you don't want to see in that mirror.

Its all about love. And self love is the start. If you can't love yourself you can never love anyone else. And once you embrace all that you are, and want to be NO MATTER WHO OR WHAT THAT IS....the rest, will all fall into place.

Trust me.

Just breathe, and be and work on YOU. Not everyone and everything around you.

Because in the end the only person you can really change and effect, and the only person that really matters is YOU. Its your life and you live it alone. The journey is yours alone. No matter who is along for the ride and how long they choose to accompany you, it road is yours alone. Life is a series of people coming in and out of your life. No one but you last on your road with you forever. Get rid of forever in your vocabulary. It's a lie.

Just like the cake is a lie.

Sorry my video game geek just came out, and i like her so I'm embracing her today.

See you next week.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Forest or a Tree.....which are you?

Question: Ever hear of the expression, "Can't see the forest for the trees?"
Answer: Yes, and right now in my life, I feel like the forest.

Ask yourself, in your life, are you the tree that is seen and obliterating the forest, or are you the forest that can't be seen because of the trees. Are you the big picture? or the small alternative? Are you the solution? or the problem? are you the road? or the fork in the road?

I'm the forest. Sometimes I wish I was the tree, someone so special that I am seen and obliterate the forest. . .I guess every tree was once the forest, was once the big picture, the solution, or the road. It must be my turn to be the forest. To be unseen, unnoticed, unchosen.

To be the great observer in life. To watch. Perhaps to dream...

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Good Morning Life!

And just like that, I'm back.

How? Not sure? I guess all along and deep down inside all this emotional crap that I carry around, (we all have our baggage) I truly am a centered and sensible woman. Who knew? I realize the great advice that I've given my friends and family through the years is true. And while it's always easier to see it from the outside and advise when it's not your life, the advice is still true and should be applied to your own life.

Earlier this week, a good friend of mine sat me down and tried to cheer me up and make me understand. Understand that I'm worth more. That I deserve to be happy too. And that I've got so much to offer the right person, that its a shame to just stay hidden, waiting for whatever or whoever. (THANK YOU! I hope you know how much it meant to hear that from you.)

And while I've had many other friends tell me this, somehow hearing it from someone I'd hurt made it real to me. The heartfelt honesty of the truth of it came shining through.

So now I'm teaching myself things I've known all along, but forgotten:
1. “Gut feeling” is not just a euphemism. Tension in the abdomen speaks volumes about how you truly feel about something, beyond all arguments and rationales.
2. Yelling always makes things worse.
3. Cynicism is far too easy to be useful.
4. If what you're doing feels perfectly safe, there is probably a better course of action.
5. People cause suffering when they are suffering themselves. Alleviating their suffering will help them not hurt others.
6. Words are immensely powerful. One cruel remark can wound someone for life.
7. Wishing things were different is a great way to torture yourself.

Food for thought people. Just love. Just be. Just live.