RUSH....and then some....

Welcome to my blog from my son's house! Isn't technology wonderful? I even figured out how to get here on his high tech programs and big screen hook up all by my own self. :)

Now on to this weeks events...first up RUSH!

Our particular show had its share of technical issues (while Aqualung played over and over as they tried in vain to figure it out). And started only 15 minutes late, without the opening movie, or any movies for the first four songs. Sad day. But they did then get it rigged so they could live feed us what they were able to project on the big screen to the outer screens so once again even our floor seats were good seats. The floor is always a challenge, not for the squeamish nor the short. I was on my tip toes for three hours and the muscles behind my knees are paying for it today. I was also alternating between dancing and doing the pogo with Geddy for three hours. My concert partner, my son's girlfriend, said "Boxers don't get that much exercise!" HA! I guess I was very, 'in the moment'

But my concert story has more to do with me as a person, than the show. You don't need me to review a concert that you already know is good, so I won't. But this story, for those of you that know me, is better. When Megan and I got to the Park N Ride (the only way to travel to and from a concert at the State Fair) the bus was just getting there. So we hurried and parked on the street (lot was full....stress) and ran to get a seat. Whew! barely making it, but feeling now that we would have tons of time, as it was 6:30....and hour to spare before show time!

Half way to the venue, I realized I'd left my State Fair ticket that I'd purchased on line weeks ago, to save time, in my suitcase....in the car....back at the Park N Ride lot....somewhere ELSE in the Twin Cities. GRRRR. STRESS. Oh well, so I'm out 11 bucks. I'll just get another one...hope it doesn't take too long....hope there aren't lines.....RIGHT.

I get to the booth, no line! I'm blessed by the Ti-fecta that is RUSH, and I say to the guy,"You won't believe this but I left my ticket in the car." "Where's your car." "Far away." "OH no. We'll if I were working the gate, you'd get in free. Here sign this. and here you go." And I pay for my new ticket, sign my receipt, he gives me another receipt that I assume is my receipt and nothing else. so i figure this is also my ticket when purchased at the gate, and run to the next dude.

Next dude, asks me for my ticket, and I cheerfully hand him my receipt, and he looks at me like I'm from Mars. My cheerful expression fades as I look into his hand and see all manor of colored tickets, like movie stub tickets, in purple and blue, and not like my shiny new receipt at all. I say, "What? That's what he gave me." "Are you sure?" Am I sure....."YES." I say back knowing that there must be some mistake, it's not me, and I am getting in. Even if I have to make a run for it. So while first gate dude is pondering how to tell me to leave and go back and get my ticket the line behind me is starting to look like an on ramp in Los Angeles, where any second now people will be doing the equivalent of honking, or changing lanes. Second Gate Dude (who only looks about a year older that the young man still pondering over my receipt) comes over and says, "Let me look at that" and pulls me to the side like at the air port before the scary security men show up with hand cuffs. I can see that this man is going to make an executive decision, and I wait....hoping it will be in my favor. But my internal stress level is saying, 'Am I going to have to go back to the ticket dude and hope he remembers my story and me out of every one else and remember that he did not give me a ticket...or am I going to have to buy yet another ticket at 11 bucks....making this the most expensive walk across a parking lot in history.' Finally second gate dude says, "Okay go on in." "YES!" then just as quickly, "No wait." I come to a screeching halt and look to my concert buddy who is already in with her perfect purple ticket and watching me with a hopeful look on her face. Then second gate dude, takes my receipt and tears it in half!!! *This is the funny part.....WTF creature of habit thing is that to do, and what purpose did it serve?? Then he says as he hands back my half and actually keeps his half, "Force of habit" and I quickly get out of there before he can change his mind again.

After that, the bands technical issues seemed like nothing to me. I knew what they felt like as the movies didn't run right, or sometimes at all. As Geddy's keyboards lost a program or the sound man lost the feed during Subdivisions....but he kept playing so I figure he might be able to hear through his monitor. (Next song was fine, so I'm betting program) As Ged's monitor gave out on him during the second new song, Caravan, and he had to stop singing in the middle of the verse to catch up to the rest of the band,(I sang it for him along with others) they are such consummate musicians that it was only a few measures before they were back together and Ged singing as if nothing happened. And during Far Cry, before 2112, La Villa and Working Man, I heard Ged's voice crack, just like mine, as I'd been singing along all night, and I was happy for him that he had a lot of instrumentals coming up in the set, and his voice was back for the final vocal. Sounds like I'm picking on Ged, but I'm not. I love them all and they played their hearts out (On Alex's birthday no less) to a crowd that in my opinion was on Valium for the second half of the show. This is why I hate State Fair's for concert venues...too many tourists...not enough REAL fans. And of course I was a leader in my section of screaming in the right place to be heard or lead them all in spontaneous cheer for an effect or musical greatness I knew was coming (was my 9th time Friday night....so I've seen a few of these songs before....;)

What a great concert! All I can tell the RUSH fans out there is if you have not seen The Time Machine Tour and still have a chance to see these incredible musicians entertain you for three hours (at their age!) and still sound as crisp and tight as their studio work, GO! Do it now, buy the tickets, even if they are in the cheap seats. Just go!

Next up personal jazz.....

For those of you that are in the know you know since my best friends wedding I've been feeling a bit, how should I say, unnecessary, and last Sunday I made the decision that we should not talk anymore as it was just too painful to me to try to pretend that I didn't love him or fake it somehow. Its just not in my nature to lie to myself. I express my emotions when they are this important, and the stress it was causing us both was not worth the benefits.....I miss him, need and love him and a long distance relationship is hard when it's not complicated. This is impossible for me. And I thought he understood. But he tried to contact me every day this week, 'checking in' I think, out of guilt or real concern, who knows. But he told me loved me each time. GOD that cuts like a knife! HOW can he love me....? he married her.....such a confusion to my heart. And makes me not trust the statement nor the man. So with that in my heart, and knowing that I can't go on pretending to be 'just a friend' I told him yesterday that I would only be able to communicate with him as an editor, and I would look forward to his chapters and hoped he would continue to give me feedback on mine. For I do believe we make each other's projects better. And I do want to be able to some how save this, and with no communication, and completely cutting us off from each other, how will I ever know if he stays happy? Or if he becomes single? Or if he needs me?
I won't bore you with the soggy details of the rest of that evening nor of how supportive my wonderful daughter Diana, and my son's girlfriend and concert buddy, Megan and my son Michael were and are to me.

I am constantly reminded of how much I am surrounded by love and people that care about me. I am done putting forth so much effort into a relationship that clearly will gain me nothing in the future. I hope he will be happy, he deserves it. I know I will be with time. But I kid you not, when I tell you that I didn't need this additional heartbreak, and I'm afraid to be alone. I'm afraid I'll cave and try to talk to him. And I can't do that....I need time....when I'm alone with my thoughts I think too much and it ALWAYS goes to him. I need to stay busy....I need something to jolt me out of this, or something so important that it makes me forget him.

oh...is that all? HA.

See you next week.