“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” - Ambrose Redmoon

What a great quote.  I stumbled upon this one while having my usual Sunday morning ritual, and it hit me like a bolt from the blue.  This is so true.  Every change we make in our lives, every choice we get, we are faced with a fear.  Whether it is a rational one (is there such a thing?) or an irrational one, it is still fear.  Fear of change.   Another one of my favorite quotes:  "Its the fear of what comes AFTER the doing, that makes the doing so hard to do."

I have recently made a huge decision in my life and am about to follow it up with another.  And I was afraid of the first decision, mostly because it was a new experience.  I didn't know what to expect.  I'd read books, seen movies, and even talked with other people who had made the same decision.  After all I do my homework before I fall off the cliff.  Doesn't mean I'll make the same mistakes a they might have, doesn't mean it will turn out all bright and well worth it, like some of the others.  The only thing I can say for sure is that it took courage.  Courage that I didn't know I possessed.  And it made me realize how true it is that with great courage comes great fear.   And making this decision was more important than the fear.  That was my courage.  I had to try.  I had to see if it would turn out alright, if the feelings were real, if I could finally trust my instincts.

That brings me to my next big decision.  My next big bout of fear, that I will muster my courage up and make.  And with the coming dawn, I have done just that.  I've made a choice and I will stick to it.  This is not to say, that as a human I am capable of change, and of changing my mind at any time.  But that too, will come with fear and courage.

I have decided that I am more important than the fear.  That my happiness, and what I want out of life is more important the the fear of not knowing the outcome.  A friend asked me yesterday, over bloodies and banishment spells, "What would happen if you just didn't know?  What would happen if you just feel into a state of 'I don't know'?"  She had taught me that she used to believe that this state of mind was for losers, and people that couldn't make up their minds, because she used to be like me.  Always moving fast and making snap decisions.  Never just waiting and not knowing.  A recent tragedy brought her to this frame of mind and she realized that it wasn't just for losers.  That driven industrious people like us would never stay in that frame of mind forever....but sometimes, it feels good to just fall back into a sense of unknown, and not care about the outcome.  Wasn't sure I believed her, until i tried it this morning.
My next big decision, the one I made today...was it the right one?  I don't know.  And that feels good.  That change feels good.  It's not my burden now.  Its in someone else's hands now.  That sound you just heard was relief, and stress leaving my body in a woosh.  cool huh?
Cheers.