Sunday, October 16, 2011

And you think YOU'RE lonely.....

My Sunday morning ritual consists of waking up, jumping on facebook to talk to my Sunday morning friends, reading my horoscope, and daily tarot card, and PostSecret.  I love this site, and if you aren't reading it every Sunday you are missing out.  And usually I feel pretty alone in the world.  Not sure why....maybe because I'm an only child and I always knew that someday, my kids would grow up, and my parents would be dead or so far away I can't see them, and I'd be alone.  Maybe thats why I adopted my little brothers.  And maybe that's why I get so attached to my friends, and need them so much in my life.  I think if you have a large family, you might not understand this as much.  The feeling of solitude, even when surrounded by people that love you.

But even with that I stumbled upon a PostSecret this morning that made me stop feeling sorry for myself, and realize that I'm not alone, but this person certainly is.  It read:  "I wish I had a partner to cheat on, a lover to cheat with, and a friend to talk about it."
Wow.  Really?  Now THAT is solitude.  THAT is alone.....and sad.

And I realized that I've been weak and self involved about life.  Like maybe my life was the only one in an ego.  Life is about stumbling along and picking your way past the obstacles that  you are dealt. No ones life is easy.  No ones life is perfect.  No one is happy all the time.

I have a lot of friends right now going through the same thing.  I'm guilty of it too.  A dissatisfaction with their life, or the path they have chosen.  What once seemed rosy and lush, is now brambles and thorns.  And they long for a past road they left behind.  They remember the past with a fondness that brings warmth.  And while normally I would say this is all romantic drivel.  In this case it is not.  For as a group of friends, we did have it all.  We were close, and we truly cared about each other and our lives.  We talked about life, love, choices, or the world, over drinks or children playing on the floor, or D&D dice.....

Somehow, in all the last fifteen years or so, Time, Fate and Nature (I always blame them!) put choices in our path that separated us.  And now talking is stilted....difficult to get started....walls are high.  But I have a ladder.  And I will breach these walls.  And I will have everyone back in my life, even if its one on one, and not over D&D, or football Sundays (remember that?  don't you miss that too?) or kids playing on the floor, or in some cases those kids are now driving downtown.  I know you are there, and I know you read this....I miss you all. For the ones that are slowly coming back, I'm a phone call away.  For the ones still dragging their feet, and being over cautious, expect communication, for I can't let you all go....won't.

1 comment:

  1. Perhaps you just need a friend that can serve as a trebuchet.