Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas vs New Years

Half of the holiday is finished, the Christmas part where we get together as family and friends and wish each other a happy holiday.  And for the most part this year I found myself in utter joy, with my friends and family.  Sure I didn't get the chance to see everyone I would have liked to see, but I did get messages from almost everyone.  I found myself only slightly missing my mom this year, and it was a fond wishing she could have been alive to see the wonderful woman her granddaughter has grown into, and meet her current boyfriend and his family.  And of course there is one other who I missed, who crossed my mind with every toast to missing friends, and loved ones.  And it is this ghost that haunts me the most, as the next half of the season fast approaches.  The New Years Eve part.  Where we get together with that special someone and kiss and hold each other and wish for a good new year together.

I hate this part of the season as much as I hate Valentines day.  And yes I only hate it because I'm bitter that I'm alone.  And it seems like I'm alone every year for this holiday since 1985 or so.  And that's not because I have been single that long.  Its just that even in marriage or relationships, somehow, this holiday always finds me alone.  Either my relationships ended just prior to it, making me in effect single during it, or my husband, at the time worked it .

Not one to wallow in my sadness (I know this blog had some wallowing in it, but take that as me going through my own 'crazy girl brain' - see earlier post titled "Crazy Girl Brain vs Stupid Boy Brain" -for clarification on this highly contagious illness)  anyway I'm not usually a 'wallowing feel sorry for me girl'.  And not to be one around my small children I developed a tradition of watching movies with them while waiting for their dad to come home.  The immediate favorite with my young son at the time, he was six when i started this, was Heavy Metal.  Which made me smile as it was a favorite of ours as teenagers.  He loved it so much that it became a holiday tradition.  To watch Heavy Metal at some point in time on New Years Eve.  Then his little sister was born and as she grew up she watched with us.  As my son got older but not quite old enough to drink his friends wanting something to do, would come to our house to watch it as well.  My daughters friends are not as into spending time with me as my sons were, except for her current boyfriend and his family.  And he has not seen it.  HUM.  I'm sensing that something might need to be done to continue the tradition this year.  Hopefully I can corral them for a couple of hours.  If not, I can always turn on my TV and be reminded of my friends long gone, and lovers not beside me but alive in my heart, and hope they have the same fondness of me.

Don't let this 'romantic' holiday get you down.  Start a new tradition.  Call out to a friend.  But do not be sucked into the feeling that you are alone, ever.  You are not.  If you are reading this, You Are NOT alone.  I'm right there with you.

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