Sunday, September 11, 2011

"Affection is a burden I can bear"-Eleanor, The Lion In Winter

I'm about ready to wrap up a very successful first week at my new job.  I actually have another appointment in about an hour and then maybe I can have a day off.  :)  The things we do to help our customers, eh?  Well and to help ourselves.  I was very worried about this career change, I've never done straight commission before, and on a bad week, I'm probably always going to doubt it.  But this week, my first week, was exactly what I hoped for.  And I impressed my team as well.  Most of them did not sell anything or very little on their first week out.

So with that said, you can imagine that I'm in a pretty good mood and feel quite confident about my new rocky and hilly path.  And you'd be right, for the most part.  I've adjusted to having an empty nest.  Like it, actually.  I'm finding it very liberating to be able to have anyone over at any time and not worry about 'what the plans are' or 'what the kids might want to do' or sharing my friends with my kids.  That's the hard one, sometimes.  Now don't get me wrong.  The entire time I was raising my kids alone, I never brought anyone home to be a part of our life that I didn't already think was good enough to be just that.  But now....with no one to help me edit myself.....the possibilities are endless.  This is both a good thing and a bad thing.

I almost feel as if I'm living my wild 20's or my freshly divorced 30's again.  You see, I've never really lived alone.  Never.  I've always been someones daughter, wife or mother.  I've never just been me in my own apartment without any real responsibilities but myself.  Now I'm not afraid to be alone, I like my own company.  I do wish that my current crush was here to share my life with me in all the wonderful and intimate ways couples do.  But that's really the only pang that hits me when I walk in the door.  And I thought it would be missing my kids.  But my kids aren't gone, they just have a different address.

This part of my journey will be interesting, probably more interesting to you than to me, because you will be able to see it from the outside.  You'll be able to see more clearly when I'm lonely, or being my own worst enemy, which should be my X-Man power, but sadly is not.  You, dear reader, will be able to tell when I'm human companionship and touch.  This is something that I think all people that live alone suffer from.  Not getting enough hugs.  If you are among my friends that actually get to see and touch me, I'm betting I'll be greeting you with more hugs than in the past....You have been warned.  :)

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