Sunday, September 26, 2010

Is it possible to lie, without saying a word?

The question today, dear readers, is one I'm sure we have all been on both sides of, as the giver and the getter....

And my answer is yes. It is possible to lie without saying a word. Especially if the question posed to you is not formed in the way you need to hear it. For example, one of my long ago ex's had fallen in love with someone else while we were married, he hadn't had the affair yet, but his heart was already gone. And of course, being an attentive wife, I knew something was wrong. I figured he was having an affair, something that we might be able to work through, I hoped that he was not in love with someone else, something we could never work through. So I asked him, "Are you having an affair?" and his 'honest' answer was "No." Which is technically the right answer to my question, but is still a lie, because he knew what I was trying to find out, and that should have opened a door to communication. The answer should have been, "Not yet..." and then the rest.

I can also argue, and perhaps make better sense, if I had asked the right question. My QUESTION should have been, "Are you in love with someone else?" Which then he would or at least could have answered honestly, "Yes."

However, the problem with asking questions, is that most of us 'fish' for the answers we hope to hear, or hope not to hear in my above example. I didn't ask the question I should have, because I didn't want to know the truth. Not really. And that's why we 'fish' around, and hope we have the answers by asking questions that aren't exactly correct but are close enough.

And this is exactly what we should not do. We should be brave enough to ask what we REALLY want to hear. It may be painful, and it may not be what you want to know, but in the end, the honesty will set you free.

Corney, but true. I'm happier today knowing the truth. I'd still rather hear the ugly truth than a pretty lie.

Hugs for bravery until next week. Keep asking the hard questions.

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