Sunday, May 16, 2010

Crazy Girl Brian vs. Stupid Boy Brain

Good Morning Class (LOL), and today we are going to discuss an affliction that has not only infected myself, but several of my friends both male and female. The good news is that in most cases it is a very temporary state of mind, the bad news is I believe it is highly contagious and you are most able to catch it when you are at your most vulnerable.

I am speaking, of course of the moment when your own mind starts to turn against you and you acquire the need to be your own worst enemy. This is a widespread problem, and one that I hear people saying all the time. Including myself. Examples:
"I beat myself up much better than you do."
"I will punish myself much better than you or your friends can."
"I'm my own worst critic."
"I don't need a lecture from you when I've already lectured myself."

I know this is a state of mind most of us share, but as usual I started wondering why we do it to ourselves, and I've come to realize it's the Crazy Girl Brian/Stupid Boy Brain neuro pathway. I'm hoping with more awareness perhaps, our science community can come up with a cure. Perhaps we need a huge rock concert event reminiscent of LiveAid from 1985.

This is a warning you should heed when you are infected, it gets WORSE if the person you are talking to is also infected. SO BEWARE.

I've complied a few symptoms, At first I thought they might be gender specific, but I think now that that is just part of the Crazy Girl Brain. I think for the most part these symptoms are for both, or will be noted if gender specific.

Crazy Girl Brain/Stupid Boy Brain Symptoms
1. Fear- fear of the unknown, can make you...
a. paranoid
b. insecure- which leads to low self esteem
2. Low self esteem, which causes....
a. in some people silence and and unwillingness to try to communicate said fear
b. in others, self destructive behavior in an attempt to numb the feelings caused by said fear
3. Infinite wisdom (my personal favorite)which leads you to believe that you...
a. know exactly what the other person feels
b. thinks
c. or believes
4. Self doubt which can lead right back up to number 1. with the following added in for good measure
a. a sudden loss for words or any people/social skills
b. and an belief that you somehow DESERVE whatever treatment or situation you have the Crazy Girl Brain/Stupid Boy Brain over.
c. an added belief that it will NEVER get better nor that you will find happiness.

In my experience I can be fine until I get around a group of my girlfriends or guy-friends who happen to be infected. Once in their presence, the infection grows and mutates. And lately I've been the infected one, so I've kept myself away from my most suseptable friends. You are welcome. :)

These are usually harmless gatherings, sometimes intended to actually make the infected feel better or be cured, but take warning from me. Unless you are very secure in your place in life, job, relationships and ego, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO HELP THESE FRIENDS. You may come away with the infection and it is, as I've said, highly contageous.

These are just a few of the symptoms, that can result in being around other people or even talking to your friends when infected:
1. distancing yourself from the very person/people you need the most (I see this one mostly in men as they have more difficulty talking about their feelings in the first place, but recently I, myself have fallen prey to this one)
2. suddenly realizing that your life sucks and you are in the same boat when you are not (suddenly being the operative word here--if you've been thinking about it, then you are probably already infected)
3. cheating on your spouse (grass is always greener syndrome and again, you are infected)
4. falling for the 'soap opera dialogue' syndrome (this one is usually a chick thing and can be summed up best as: not appreciating what he says but HOW he said or didn't say it.....really a bad one. No REAL man talks like a romance novel,ladies--if you want the boys of Twilight, go back to high school!)
5. crying over stupid scenarios in your head that you made up and are convinced they are the truth (see infinite wisdom) or things he said, (okay i made this one a chick thing because if my guy friends cry they certainly don't tell me about it.....needs more research.)
6. not being able to leave a tender moment alone (See Billy Joel--and I made this one a guy thing because they do it all the time. at the very moment when things are getting better they say something they think is funny or talk about the very subject that gave you Crazy Girl Brain to begin with, ONLY because they need something to say and don't know what to do....See no people/social skills above- this is purely Stupid Boy Brain. just comfort the girl, silly man)

I wish i had a list of cures, and things you can do to stop this once it has started, but sadly I do least not this week. Perhaps next week after I give this more thought, or can continue to cure myself of my Crazy Girl Brain.

I will leave you with the best advice I have gotten this week, and it is from Post Secret again, and i quote:

"No matter how far wrong you've gone, you can always turn around."

True that. Peace out.


  1. So true it made me laugh a little. I call the syndrome, as you say, "Roomie." As in, that flat-mate you had/have that simply will not shut up about what you should be doing, what is actually happening, who said what to whom and what was meant by it, etc.... If you wouldn't tell your roomie to shut up and get out of your face, then why the hell should one tolerate "Roomie" saying the same things? And for the next study: I've seen #5 in a lot of fellas and they go the paranoid fatalism route. (See: definitions of self as constantly rejected, bad luck identity, crying in one's beer, getting smashed and going to clubs then feeling like crap because you couldn't even go through with a one-night stand much less a long-term relationship.) Men bring home the gold on this puppy. :P

  2. You need to write this as a manual, or guide for the infected. It is too accurate for words!