This is not how I imagined our lives would go, and now we can't find our way out of this deep valley, but I know lost with you, I am safer than found with anyone else. My imagination is my own worst enemy and my best companion, for my imagination can figure out all sorts of ways to solve every problem I stumble onto. Unfortunately imagination is not real, and too much time spent there I will suddenly find that my life has flown by. I make promises that my imagination is completely sincere in keeping and then my waking self says to me, with that look I have, "Really? Really? This is what you want? This is what you need? This will keep you happy? This is enough?"
Tough questions, but you know I'm harder on myself than anyone else. I can honestly say yes to all of that, but I find myself smiling, some all knowing smile with it too. As if I'm almost daring myself to try this locked door and see what's behind it. Or further question, WHY is this door locked? Did I lock it? Funny, I must have, it's my door, in my head. I wonder why I locked it? And is it safe to open now, or will everything I know behind it, come flooding out and wash me away? Its just memories after all. How much damage could they really do?
Well, I think we all know the answer to that. Better keep the locked doors locked. Maybe open a new door and start putting memories in there. Maybe it will stay open this time. Maybe this is enough. Maybe understanding and compassion is all I really need...
...or maybe just chocolate. :D
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