I'm about ready to wrap up a very successful first week at my new job. I actually have another appointment in about an hour and then maybe I can have a day off. :) The things we do to help our customers, eh? Well and to help ourselves. I was very worried about this career change, I've never done straight commission before, and on a bad week, I'm probably always going to doubt it. But this week, my first week, was exactly what I hoped for. And I impressed my team as well. Most of them did not sell anything or very little on their first week out.
So with that said, you can imagine that I'm in a pretty good mood and feel quite confident about my new rocky and hilly path. And you'd be right, for the most part. I've adjusted to having an empty nest. Like it, actually. I'm finding it very liberating to be able to have anyone over at any time and not worry about 'what the plans are' or 'what the kids might want to do' or sharing my friends with my kids. That's the hard one, sometimes. Now don't get me wrong. The entire time I was raising my kids alone, I never brought anyone home to be a part of our life that I didn't already think was good enough to be just that. But now....with no one to help me edit myself.....the possibilities are endless. This is both a good thing and a bad thing.
I almost feel as if I'm living my wild 20's or my freshly divorced 30's again. You see, I've never really lived alone. Never. I've always been someones daughter, wife or mother. I've never just been me in my own apartment without any real responsibilities but myself. Now I'm not afraid to be alone, I like my own company. I do wish that my current crush was here to share my life with me in all the wonderful and intimate ways couples do. But that's really the only pang that hits me when I walk in the door. And I thought it would be missing my kids. But my kids aren't gone, they just have a different address.
This part of my journey will be interesting, probably more interesting to you than to me, because you will be able to see it from the outside. You'll be able to see more clearly when I'm lonely, or being my own worst enemy, which should be my X-Man power, but sadly is not. You, dear reader, will be able to tell when I'm missing...well....you.....basic human companionship and touch. This is something that I think all people that live alone suffer from. Not getting enough hugs. If you are among my friends that actually get to see and touch me, I'm betting I'll be greeting you with more hugs than in the past....You have been warned. :)
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Philosophy of Absolutely!
During my recent sales school, I was fortunate enough to make some really great friends and colleagues that I know I will continue to remain in contact with. Coming up with nicknames for them all has been very difficult. There was The Writer (where is your first chapter!?), and the Misplaced New Yorker (it's the ahhhhhh at the end that gets me), the one that was so much like my ex-mom-in-law that I've called her Marge II, (she even sounds like her, especially when she was reminding me of my self worth.) and of course, One Who is NOT Jessica, (he's special....bless him), and The Bucket Man (don't ask).
The Bucket Man seemed to bond with everyone in class, including a group that I like to call The Boys. The Philosophy of Absolutely comes from a couple of The Boys, Jose and The Small Giant were discussing this and of course I immediately found it useful and spread it to the rest of The Boys and my main peeps. It goes something like this:
When you are in a situation and someone asks you a really stupid question, rather than let yourself go, and cock off with that rapier wit, or look at them like their mother must have dropped them on their heads once too often, just let a beaming smile cross your lips and say in a confident tone of voice, "Absolutely!" This frees you up to rip them a new one in your mind, instead of out loud, OR (more importantly) see what direction they want to steer the conversation. This last part can make any situation innocent on your part.
I looked at them with some confusion, as my 'sharp wit' usually wins out, and asked for further explanation, as I'm sure you are doing right now. He further explained how he is always being approached by women with 'one thing on their mind', and even though he wears a ring, is often asked the very stupid question, "Are you married?" You can see where this is going, right? Just think of the opportunities that you may have missed by answering that simple question with a 'yes' or smart-ass response. When a simple "Absolutely" and a smile, puts it right back on her. And of course I'm thinking....or him in my case...hum....this could be used for much mischief and evil. My interest was peeked. I immediately started using it. And it changed no only my life, but the way others perceive me.
For example: At the hotel, I needed to borrow the trolley to get my bags down to my car in one trip. So I asked the desk clerk, "Can I borrow this?" and she said, "As long as you bring it back." And before my rapier wit could lash out at her with what was running through my head.....I smiled confidently and said, "Absolutely." And she smiled. As if to say, 'See someone gets my sick sense of humor.' Because what I was thinking was, "NO, you dumb bitch, I'm going to put this in the trunk of my car and drive off." But this attitude will not win me friends.
As the next few days in class went on, I noticed more and more of us were saying , "Absolutely" not only to the teacher but each other, and the smiles were quite contagious. I can't wait to use it on my favorite dumb question of all time, "Do you know how fast you were going?" ...... "Absolutely"
Cheers. :)
The Bucket Man seemed to bond with everyone in class, including a group that I like to call The Boys. The Philosophy of Absolutely comes from a couple of The Boys, Jose and The Small Giant were discussing this and of course I immediately found it useful and spread it to the rest of The Boys and my main peeps. It goes something like this:
When you are in a situation and someone asks you a really stupid question, rather than let yourself go, and cock off with that rapier wit, or look at them like their mother must have dropped them on their heads once too often, just let a beaming smile cross your lips and say in a confident tone of voice, "Absolutely!" This frees you up to rip them a new one in your mind, instead of out loud, OR (more importantly) see what direction they want to steer the conversation. This last part can make any situation innocent on your part.
I looked at them with some confusion, as my 'sharp wit' usually wins out, and asked for further explanation, as I'm sure you are doing right now. He further explained how he is always being approached by women with 'one thing on their mind', and even though he wears a ring, is often asked the very stupid question, "Are you married?" You can see where this is going, right? Just think of the opportunities that you may have missed by answering that simple question with a 'yes' or smart-ass response. When a simple "Absolutely" and a smile, puts it right back on her. And of course I'm thinking....or him in my case...hum....this could be used for much mischief and evil. My interest was peeked. I immediately started using it. And it changed no only my life, but the way others perceive me.
For example: At the hotel, I needed to borrow the trolley to get my bags down to my car in one trip. So I asked the desk clerk, "Can I borrow this?" and she said, "As long as you bring it back." And before my rapier wit could lash out at her with what was running through my head.....I smiled confidently and said, "Absolutely." And she smiled. As if to say, 'See someone gets my sick sense of humor.' Because what I was thinking was, "NO, you dumb bitch, I'm going to put this in the trunk of my car and drive off." But this attitude will not win me friends.
As the next few days in class went on, I noticed more and more of us were saying , "Absolutely" not only to the teacher but each other, and the smiles were quite contagious. I can't wait to use it on my favorite dumb question of all time, "Do you know how fast you were going?" ...... "Absolutely"
Cheers. :)
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Are you still waiting, or are you running to catch?
I'm here in Chicago for sales school, writing to you, while having my breakfast in bed, and I've got a ton of memorization to get perfect before my first presentation to my teacher tomorrow morning. Then I have to give my final presentation to the big wigs upstairs on Wednesday, followed by a final and graduation on Thursday. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I worried that I won't be word perfect? Yes. Will I be ready by tomorrow? Yes...I'm studying and role playing all day and into the evening...whatever it takes to get it polished. My roommate and I both have teams from our individual classes, that spend more time socializing than learning, and we are committed. So we are going to help each other out. We're suppose to stick with our teams, but my team has disappeared. And I have to look out for my best interests too...hopefully I'll run into one of them later and can join them for a round of role-playing, but I can't rely on them, unfortunately.
I'm trying to keep my attitude positive, but of course, doubt is creeping in.
Will I be able to succeed at this? I hope so, I don't know for sure, but I hope so. I do know that even if I can't do this the way that I want I won't consider it a failure. I've met too many good people I want to stay in touch with, and I've learned too much about myself during this time to consider it a failure. I am finding a lot of personal growth in this school, philosophy and that has been very valuable to me both in my career and personal life.
I'm finding that I'm looking at personal situations quite differently, and while my eyes are open now, the good news is so is my heart. I'm trying so hard to look at my life as if it is just beginning and that that is a good thing. That if I can just hold on to my dreams, perhaps they are waiting for me, right around the corner, and all I have to do is go for it! So instead of thinking on the negative, that I'm still waiting for my life to begin....I'll twist that, into I'm going to catch the life that is waiting around the corner for me!
Cheers.
I'm trying to keep my attitude positive, but of course, doubt is creeping in.
Will I be able to succeed at this? I hope so, I don't know for sure, but I hope so. I do know that even if I can't do this the way that I want I won't consider it a failure. I've met too many good people I want to stay in touch with, and I've learned too much about myself during this time to consider it a failure. I am finding a lot of personal growth in this school, philosophy and that has been very valuable to me both in my career and personal life.
I'm finding that I'm looking at personal situations quite differently, and while my eyes are open now, the good news is so is my heart. I'm trying so hard to look at my life as if it is just beginning and that that is a good thing. That if I can just hold on to my dreams, perhaps they are waiting for me, right around the corner, and all I have to do is go for it! So instead of thinking on the negative, that I'm still waiting for my life to begin....I'll twist that, into I'm going to catch the life that is waiting around the corner for me!
Cheers.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
this weeks blog under construction
Hello all,
I had a blog all written....even posted it. Then I stopped...reread it and considered that perhaps this one should just be for me. I have saved it, and if you happened to have read it before it was taken down, keep it to yourself, and try to understand that sometimes my heart screams for justice, and my mind hides from fear.
this week my thoughts are for me, and while I try to share, I just can't. I can't have my heart broken again. I can't stand it.
I had a blog all written....even posted it. Then I stopped...reread it and considered that perhaps this one should just be for me. I have saved it, and if you happened to have read it before it was taken down, keep it to yourself, and try to understand that sometimes my heart screams for justice, and my mind hides from fear.
this week my thoughts are for me, and while I try to share, I just can't. I can't have my heart broken again. I can't stand it.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
One down, two to go!
The wedding was, as you can imagine so beautiful. The bride (My Second Daughter) and the groom (My Second Son) were glowing. Their friends and family (including My First Daughter-maid of honor) could not keep the smiles from their faces. Everyone was so excited and pleased that these two people were finally connecting as a family. Her son, who was the ring bearer, couldn't have me cuter in his little suit. And the entire event reminded me of another wedding long, long ago where I was a bridesmaid. My little brother Satan and his wife Nature, This wedding, like that one, I danced all night, drank at the open bar until I knew I was done, and had an incredible amount of fun at my very artsy (all actors) and British table. We were the loud table, wearing fabulous hats, because that's how they do it in England, bless her for bringing them for the uneducated and uncouth Americans. :) We enjoyed each other so much they have invited me to their home in Chicago for a party this Saturday. Too bad I really can't fit it in with the testing and then off to school. But being asked was sure a great feeling. Those of you that know me know how much I miss just being invited.
The dancing was the best with Our Gay Man About Town and his new boyfriend, and boy could they both dance. Of course they asked me to dance with them, and since I can, we cleared the floor a couple of times, and I think they were actually filming it. I know I saw the wedding photographers perk up...FINALLY someone really dancing. LOL We did not do any of the corny wedding dances, but drunk people tend to make up their own traditions. (What was that thing we did to "The Wonder Years" version of With A Little Help From My Friends? Felt like a cross between red-rover, red-rover and ring around the rosey.....drunk adults need to have playground fun too!)
And while I was really happy for them both and everyone else there, I couldn't help, during some romantic moments to miss someone special on my arm. And since I was already at that other wedding in my head, I remembered that I had met someone very special at that wedding. I usually tend to meet at least one special person at every wedding I've been too. Someone that I want to take away with me and make a part of my life. This time it wasn't a romantic person, unfortunately. More like a few new couples that share the same time-line of memories. And THAT is fun to experience from across the pond. I think we really hit it off with Bowie, and Queen, and then there was all the 80' and 90's rock to dance too. I wish I could have caught an eye or seen someone I felt like approaching. There wasn't. And I have some pretty big shoes to fill in my mind with a few of my favorite ex's, or almost's.
Well I could talk about the beautiful wedding all day, but I need to get going now, and stop missing life, and try to live one. Somehow today, I think I'd rather sleep and dream, but I can't. I want to see everyone again before we leave, but suddenly I'm so sad. Must be the hotel coffee. It is sad.
The dancing was the best with Our Gay Man About Town and his new boyfriend, and boy could they both dance. Of course they asked me to dance with them, and since I can, we cleared the floor a couple of times, and I think they were actually filming it. I know I saw the wedding photographers perk up...FINALLY someone really dancing. LOL We did not do any of the corny wedding dances, but drunk people tend to make up their own traditions. (What was that thing we did to "The Wonder Years" version of With A Little Help From My Friends? Felt like a cross between red-rover, red-rover and ring around the rosey.....drunk adults need to have playground fun too!)
And while I was really happy for them both and everyone else there, I couldn't help, during some romantic moments to miss someone special on my arm. And since I was already at that other wedding in my head, I remembered that I had met someone very special at that wedding. I usually tend to meet at least one special person at every wedding I've been too. Someone that I want to take away with me and make a part of my life. This time it wasn't a romantic person, unfortunately. More like a few new couples that share the same time-line of memories. And THAT is fun to experience from across the pond. I think we really hit it off with Bowie, and Queen, and then there was all the 80' and 90's rock to dance too. I wish I could have caught an eye or seen someone I felt like approaching. There wasn't. And I have some pretty big shoes to fill in my mind with a few of my favorite ex's, or almost's.
Well I could talk about the beautiful wedding all day, but I need to get going now, and stop missing life, and try to live one. Somehow today, I think I'd rather sleep and dream, but I can't. I want to see everyone again before we leave, but suddenly I'm so sad. Must be the hotel coffee. It is sad.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
A Time For Everything
So....I haven't had time to write on my novel for weeks, mostly because of school and my pretests (more on that some other post) and some because I just write better with my partner on line, even if we don't talk, there is something very calming and inspiring and a bit reminiscent (Writing Days on Mondays, always make me smile--sorry for the musical pun but I couldn't resist). I was going to try to remedy this tonight with a writing session. I still am going to try.....I say try, because I know anything could pop up that derails our plans to meet later, AND I'm SOOOO hung over. I can't even study today, well maybe this afternoon, but at the rate my head is pounding, four hours after aspirin, I doubt it. The coffee is making a small dent in my sleep encrusted eyes, and my hair looks like i just got off the back of a Harley, (i'd describe the rest but there might be children reading this) The only thing I might be able to accomplish today is laundry and more drinking. lol...ouch, that made my head hurt just to think about it. I need more time.....
No plans to drink again tonight, and I know you are saying, "No sympathy for the self inflected! And you are right. I have no regrets, it was so very worth it. I love building memories, as you know. And I take everything that Fate throws at me, even if I don't think i have the time to accomplish it, Somehow it always works out. Of course I'm personal friends with Time so I imagine that has something to do with it it always working out somehow....maybe Nature has a hand in it too, I'll have to ask them.
And while I don't really have to justify my blowing off some steam and drinking and talking with friends, I will, if only because its what I do. But I did sooooo deserve last night, I think we all did. I'll pay for it today, and maybe, just maybe be able to at least take my pretests one more time before my head screams "STOP...for gods sake just stop!" :) The one thing that I find remarkable about getting that drunk and it was embarrassing actually, was close to just passing out a couple of times; was that my friends took such good care of me. They were not embarrassed for me or with me--and of course, still love me. So my fears of needing to hide under a rock are unjustified. I suppose I'm being silly, but I NEVER get that drunk. (I hear you saying "Its not never if it happened...." grrrrr, I stand corrected. Seldom it is. I was embarrassed, but thankfully it didn't spoil the evening, just made me quite....FINALLY, right? lol
So I will approach today with a rare, and reoccurring smile on my face. I will hold this memory of caring and love close to my heart, and know there is so much more to come. Isn't it great how strong you feel with loved ones on your side?
If you haven't read these books, do it! If you haven't read them in a long time....Do it again! (that's what she said!..lol....i crack myself up when i'm hungover....no one else, just me.)
Cheers!
No plans to drink again tonight, and I know you are saying, "No sympathy for the self inflected! And you are right. I have no regrets, it was so very worth it. I love building memories, as you know. And I take everything that Fate throws at me, even if I don't think i have the time to accomplish it, Somehow it always works out. Of course I'm personal friends with Time so I imagine that has something to do with it it always working out somehow....maybe Nature has a hand in it too, I'll have to ask them.
And while I don't really have to justify my blowing off some steam and drinking and talking with friends, I will, if only because its what I do. But I did sooooo deserve last night, I think we all did. I'll pay for it today, and maybe, just maybe be able to at least take my pretests one more time before my head screams "STOP...for gods sake just stop!" :) The one thing that I find remarkable about getting that drunk and it was embarrassing actually, was close to just passing out a couple of times; was that my friends took such good care of me. They were not embarrassed for me or with me--and of course, still love me. So my fears of needing to hide under a rock are unjustified. I suppose I'm being silly, but I NEVER get that drunk. (I hear you saying "Its not never if it happened...." grrrrr, I stand corrected. Seldom it is. I was embarrassed, but thankfully it didn't spoil the evening, just made me quite....FINALLY, right? lol
So I will approach today with a rare, and reoccurring smile on my face. I will hold this memory of caring and love close to my heart, and know there is so much more to come. Isn't it great how strong you feel with loved ones on your side?
If you haven't read these books, do it! If you haven't read them in a long time....Do it again! (that's what she said!..lol....i crack myself up when i'm hungover....no one else, just me.)
Cheers!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Sex In The Windy City
And here I am in Chicago, for "The Daughter That I Didn't Have, But Should Have Had's" (hereafter known as Second Daughter, because that's just too hard to keep typing-- hungover)-- Bachelorette Party. So it's really Saturday morning, yes I wrote this a day before you all get to read it, but that's just because I didn't want to miss my Sunday morning deadline, and we have brunch and travel plans on Sunday.
The party was a huge success, and I'm so glad that my daughter and I were not only included (of course we would be) but could afford to come. We all dressed up as slutty versions of ourselves, complete with make up and bright florescent wigs. (mine was orange, my daughter green, and second daughter purple, other brides maids will be referred to by their color wig, there was Blue Hair Woman, Pink Bob Girl, and Dark Blue Mistress. Now this was just the wedding party, who at Second Daughters house, had all the usual party favors, penis straws, penis cake, lots of beads, rings, pins, (mine said Major Tease) and of course our hair selections for the evening. Was wonderful to dress up and be someone we were not for the evening. And after our blow job lessons from the party planner, and purchasing our favorite sex toys or lubes, and drinking tons of wine, we left for the Wicker Park district of bar hopping (also known as six points for all you Chicago readers out there.) While I usually have the most fun with my daughter -Green Hair Girl, and my second daughter Purple Bob Lady (as in Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady for those of you that know musical theater) I must admit I had a lot of fun with the brides maids last night.
Blue Hair Woman was great at keeping us all together, (that is until we momentarily lost the bride, Purple Bob Lady for a few tense moments). Blue Hair Woman was full of energy and I related to her camera hog ability. I always hate my pictures, but was able to have some real fun with her in the Chicago underground as she gave my penis straw head, while I was wearing it stuck in my cleavage....you'd have to see the pictures to understand how fun it was.
Pink Bob Girl not only wanted to adopt me, but reminded me of myself at her age, in her 3 1/2 inch (at least) heels, she was continually getting me up to dance with them all (we danced all night! LOVED THAT).
Dark Blue Mistress was not only the easiest to talk to, but we had the same stamina.....started out hot and heavy, but pooped out about the same time, and found many opportunities not only to bond (ladies room talks!) but to share pictures and take some really cute ones for Purple Bob Lady of her really tired bridal party and me! :D
I could go on and on about how much fun it was, and never really give you the idea of how great it felt to strut my stuff, and get not only admiring glances but actual disbelief that I could be the brides ma. I think the orange wig must have helped make me look like I was their age. My real hair got the usual raves from the girls and our wonderful Gay Man About Town escort, and you know its good when both demographics love it. I still wish I'd get as many glances when I don't have orange hair. But Gay Man About Town did adopt me as a Fairy Princess. LOL.
We are off to a roast tonight.....and then home early enough to get some Groom Time. Have I mentioned how much I love this guy second daughter is marrying? I do. So I must get ready, and continue to catch up with my loved ones. I miss you all, and wish at least one of you were here to share this with me, on my arm.
But we can't always get what we want......but if we try, sometimes, we get what we need. I'm off to get what I need. Later.
The party was a huge success, and I'm so glad that my daughter and I were not only included (of course we would be) but could afford to come. We all dressed up as slutty versions of ourselves, complete with make up and bright florescent wigs. (mine was orange, my daughter green, and second daughter purple, other brides maids will be referred to by their color wig, there was Blue Hair Woman, Pink Bob Girl, and Dark Blue Mistress. Now this was just the wedding party, who at Second Daughters house, had all the usual party favors, penis straws, penis cake, lots of beads, rings, pins, (mine said Major Tease) and of course our hair selections for the evening. Was wonderful to dress up and be someone we were not for the evening. And after our blow job lessons from the party planner, and purchasing our favorite sex toys or lubes, and drinking tons of wine, we left for the Wicker Park district of bar hopping (also known as six points for all you Chicago readers out there.) While I usually have the most fun with my daughter -Green Hair Girl, and my second daughter Purple Bob Lady (as in Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady for those of you that know musical theater) I must admit I had a lot of fun with the brides maids last night.
Blue Hair Woman was great at keeping us all together, (that is until we momentarily lost the bride, Purple Bob Lady for a few tense moments). Blue Hair Woman was full of energy and I related to her camera hog ability. I always hate my pictures, but was able to have some real fun with her in the Chicago underground as she gave my penis straw head, while I was wearing it stuck in my cleavage....you'd have to see the pictures to understand how fun it was.
Pink Bob Girl not only wanted to adopt me, but reminded me of myself at her age, in her 3 1/2 inch (at least) heels, she was continually getting me up to dance with them all (we danced all night! LOVED THAT).
Dark Blue Mistress was not only the easiest to talk to, but we had the same stamina.....started out hot and heavy, but pooped out about the same time, and found many opportunities not only to bond (ladies room talks!) but to share pictures and take some really cute ones for Purple Bob Lady of her really tired bridal party and me! :D
I could go on and on about how much fun it was, and never really give you the idea of how great it felt to strut my stuff, and get not only admiring glances but actual disbelief that I could be the brides ma. I think the orange wig must have helped make me look like I was their age. My real hair got the usual raves from the girls and our wonderful Gay Man About Town escort, and you know its good when both demographics love it. I still wish I'd get as many glances when I don't have orange hair. But Gay Man About Town did adopt me as a Fairy Princess. LOL.
We are off to a roast tonight.....and then home early enough to get some Groom Time. Have I mentioned how much I love this guy second daughter is marrying? I do. So I must get ready, and continue to catch up with my loved ones. I miss you all, and wish at least one of you were here to share this with me, on my arm.
But we can't always get what we want......but if we try, sometimes, we get what we need. I'm off to get what I need. Later.
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