The Best Noise In The World Is . . . .

. . . The laughter of children

I have missed that in my home. The laughter of small children and the wonder that they see in everything that you show them. Over the last four days I was reminded of that by my 'grandson' Timmy (in quotes because he's not mine by blood, but as long as he will let me claim him I will)

Timmy is three. And three is a fun age. Fun because it's not two. And fun because it's closer to four. Three is the age where they really start to test their parents resolve. Some succeed in this test, some fail. Kids are a great window into the way we allow ourselves to be treated. And I believe the best parents make sure that their children are respectful. Its an on going job for many years, but eventually it does sink in. If you are consistent and don't give in. Thats the real test and trick. Not sending mixed messages.

Mixed messages are a bane in my life, as an adult. I feel like my life right now is full of mixed messages, and exceptions. . . double standards, if you will. Rules I held dear, the lines have blurred, and while a huge part of me is empowered by this, another part of me is getting lost. And I'm not sure I like that. I don't like losing myself in anything or anyone so completely.

And if I felt like I was winning, actually having the relationship I know I deserve, then I know I wouldn't feel like this at all. That this is all because I have and am lost. Lost in a fantasy that will never come true. Lost without him.

Am I waking up? When I do, I think this is really going to hurt. And maybe that's why I can't wake up. Maybe thats the real reason I won't wake up. I really am only afraid of pain.

. . . I think maybe I need a wake up call. I think maybe I need to escape. Anyone want to take a boat trip to a deserted island?

Think About What You Could Do.....

If you are like me you have quite a few things in your mind that you feel strongly about, one way or the other. Weather its political,or religious, or sexual choices, or even when the three tend to blur into one as with the pro-life/pro-choice movement. (Don't get me started on this one, there is a group in our city that stands by one hospital and a certain church with signs....they even have the audacity to have their many children holding up signs, children too young to know what they are siding with or even to have made the choice yet.....)

But like I said, don't get me started. These people that stand on the corner holding their signs of an idea, no matter how wrong the idea may be, still have the right idea.

Think about it. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people...what would YOUR message be?

Its not as easy a question as it appears to be, on the surface. I think because I am an atheist mine would be about religion, because I still feel more longterm damage, historically, and now, has been and will be done, for the 'love of god'. I think my message would be: "Forget what or who you BELIEVE in, and know this: It's all about LOVE. PERIOD."

What's your message?

What makes you smile?

Think about this one. It's tougher than you think. What makes you smile? What sends shivers up and down your spine? What makes your dull day spark with anticipation or immediately look up? What makes you feel like you can do anything?

Is it a thing? Then keep it close to you at all times.
Is it an activity? Then do that EVERY day.
Is it a person? Then never let go of them. . .ever.

What is it that you do, or the person that you spend time with that makes you lose track of all time? That thing is what you are suppose to be doing with your life. That person is your best friend. . .or more depending on your heart. You should listen to your heart. It's the difference between LIVING and EXISTING.

If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?
If you would and you have the power to do so, not acting on that knowledge is tragic, for time is fickle and will move you, without you even knowing it, to a point where all of a sudden you have no power to change it.

Forget about the past, act in the present, to make the future you want happen. It's all up to you. No one else.

Cheers!

Time flies or drags

Ever notice how when you are really happy, and blissful the time just flies by and all of a sudden that wonderful event, reunion, or vacation is over. And when you are depressed, alone and lonely, time drags.

Is that because we are too focused on ourselves when we are depressed, too inward, maybe thinking too much? And when we are with others having fun, we are focused on the others and, well the fun?!

It should be the other way around. Time should fly by when we are alone and feeling down, and wonderfully drag lazily by as we enjoy our loved ones company.

off to enjoy my loved ones company. cheers

Is it possible to lie, without saying a word?

The question today, dear readers, is one I'm sure we have all been on both sides of, as the giver and the getter....

And my answer is yes. It is possible to lie without saying a word. Especially if the question posed to you is not formed in the way you need to hear it. For example, one of my long ago ex's had fallen in love with someone else while we were married, he hadn't had the affair yet, but his heart was already gone. And of course, being an attentive wife, I knew something was wrong. I figured he was having an affair, something that we might be able to work through, I hoped that he was not in love with someone else, something we could never work through. So I asked him, "Are you having an affair?" and his 'honest' answer was "No." Which is technically the right answer to my question, but is still a lie, because he knew what I was trying to find out, and that should have opened a door to communication. The answer should have been, "Not yet..." and then the rest.

I can also argue, and perhaps make better sense, if I had asked the right question. My QUESTION should have been, "Are you in love with someone else?" Which then he would or at least could have answered honestly, "Yes."

However, the problem with asking questions, is that most of us 'fish' for the answers we hope to hear, or hope not to hear in my above example. I didn't ask the question I should have, because I didn't want to know the truth. Not really. And that's why we 'fish' around, and hope we have the answers by asking questions that aren't exactly correct but are close enough.

And this is exactly what we should not do. We should be brave enough to ask what we REALLY want to hear. It may be painful, and it may not be what you want to know, but in the end, the honesty will set you free.

Corney, but true. I'm happier today knowing the truth. I'd still rather hear the ugly truth than a pretty lie.

Hugs for bravery until next week. Keep asking the hard questions.

Worry about what is important....not what isn't

Last week I found myself at the center of several different situations of love blowing up, and life altering revelations of the self, and lots of good wine and tarot readings. My services of bringing wine and cards to friends for advice was multiplied, something must be in the air, or the water. But I'm noticing several friends going through similar romantic or self aware journeys, like I have been. And I found myself giving them all the same advice.

Stop worrying about what you can't change.

"Does he love me, will he come come back? Is my job in jeopardy, will I be fired? What will we do now? Where does the money go? My kids? My friends? My husband? My wife? My school?" Stop it! Right now! Be the wise-man, shaman, and witch you know you are, and find peace by worrying about the only thing that matters.

You!

Look at yourself, and really see yourself...not your life...YOU. Do you like who you are? Do you even know who you are? Are you the person you think you are? Are you the person you see in the mirror? Can you look in the mirror?

If the answer to these questions is YES. Then I need you to read my cards, and be my guru. :)

But if the answer is no to any of them, then you are like most of us, and know what to do. CHANGE. BE the person you want to BE. BE the person you envision. And when you do, you will embrace all that is beautiful within yourself, and slowly but surely erase all that is wicked or ugly or what you don't want to see in that mirror.

Its all about love. And self love is the start. If you can't love yourself you can never love anyone else. And once you embrace all that you are, and want to be NO MATTER WHO OR WHAT THAT IS....the rest, will all fall into place.

Trust me.

Just breathe, and be and work on YOU. Not everyone and everything around you.

Because in the end the only person you can really change and effect, and the only person that really matters is YOU. Its your life and you live it alone. The journey is yours alone. No matter who is along for the ride and how long they choose to accompany you, it road is yours alone. Life is a series of people coming in and out of your life. No one but you last on your road with you forever. Get rid of forever in your vocabulary. It's a lie.

Just like the cake is a lie.

Sorry my video game geek just came out, and i like her so I'm embracing her today.

See you next week.

Forest or a Tree.....which are you?

Question: Ever hear of the expression, "Can't see the forest for the trees?"
Answer: Yes, and right now in my life, I feel like the forest.

Ask yourself, in your life, are you the tree that is seen and obliterating the forest, or are you the forest that can't be seen because of the trees. Are you the big picture? or the small alternative? Are you the solution? or the problem? are you the road? or the fork in the road?

I'm the forest. Sometimes I wish I was the tree, someone so special that I am seen and obliterate the forest. . .I guess every tree was once the forest, was once the big picture, the solution, or the road. It must be my turn to be the forest. To be unseen, unnoticed, unchosen.

To be the great observer in life. To watch. Perhaps to dream...